Where Should Our Driving Force Come From? (And How to Know What’s Fueling You)

Sometimes I get the best advice for my Barber. Anyone else? I’m sitting in her chair and we start talking about life like we usually do and she tells me recently her driving force has changed. This gets me thinking… there’s one question we don’t ask ourselves nearly enough, but it might shape everything about how we show up in the world:

Where is my driving force coming from… and is it working for me?

Every action we take, every early morning, every late-night push, every dream we pursue, is fueled by something. Sometimes that something comes from within us. Other times, it comes from around us.

But where should it come from?

The Inner Engine vs. the Outer Spark

Some people are driven by a deeply internal desire to grow, to create, to serve, to master. I’ve found that, for me this intrinsic motivation often leads to more sustained fulfillment because it aligns with purpose, identity, and core values.

At times, though, I am driven by external motivators, recognition, competition, income, deadlines, status. This extrinsic motivation can provide a powerful jolt of energy, especially in the short term.

The truth is: we need both.

But I feel we need to know which one is driving us at any given time and whether it’s taking us in the right direction.

The Problem with Unchecked Motivation

External drive without internal alignment can leave us feeling empty even when we "succeed." Internal drive without external structure can stall in a vacuum. But the sweet spot? That’s when what fuels us externally is in harmony with what inspires us internally.

Ask Yourself: What's Driving Me?

Here are five questions to help us check our fuel source:

1. If no one ever saw me succeed, would I still pursue this?
   This helps separate internal “passion” from performative effort.

2. Am I more excited by the process or the praise?
   If the praise vanished, would the work still feel worth doing?

3. Do I feel more pressure or more pull?
   Pressure often comes from the outside. Pull tends to come from within.

4. When I visualize success, who do I imagine it impacting?
   This reveals whether our driving force is ego-centric, other-focused, or legacy-based.

5. What’s the why behind the why?
   Keep asking “why” until you get to something raw, honest, and personal.

Three Common Driving-Force Imbalances (and How to Recalibrate)

1. Burnout from external pressure.
   Fix: Reconnect to your personal "why" through recording a video to yourself and watching it later and see what you say or talking with someone who knows your heart.

2. Feeling uninspired despite external success.
   Fix: Shift focus from outcomes (money, titles, validation) to internal values (growth, contribution, mastery).

3. Stalled ambition with no urgency.
   Fix: Introduce intentional structure: coaches, deadlines, goals with external accountability.

We Are the Driver. Don’t Let the Force Be Blind.

The goal isn’t to pick one or the other. It’s to be aware of what’s fueling you, so you can steer your life with purpose.

Because one of the worst things isn't running out of drive…
It’s driving full-speed in the wrong direction.