The Difference Between Recognizing and Reckoning (Why It Matters for Real Change)
Powerful moment with my therapist this week that helped me unlock something. We’ve all had those moments - a flash of insight, a sudden clarity, an uncomfortable truth staring us in the face. That moment is recognition: when we see something, identify it, or name it for what it is. It could be a pattern in our relationships, a habit we’ve outgrown, or a story we’ve been telling ourselves that no longer serves us.
Recognition is powerful. But it is not enough.
Because (and let’s really think about how true this is), seeing something doesn’t mean we’ve dealt with it. Naming it doesn’t mean we’ve transformed it. And identifying it doesn’t mean we’ve integrated it into the deeper layers of our life. Thank you Dr. Katz, for helping me see this!
That’s where reckoning comes in.
Recognition: The Awareness
Recognition is the mental acknowledgment - the first click of the puzzle piece.
“I have a tendency to avoid conflict.”
“I use busyness to avoid feeling my feelings.”
“I’m afraid of being seen as weak.”
It’s that aha-moment. That journal entry. That conversation with a friend.
And don’t get me wrong - recognition is essential. We must see clearly before we can move. But just recognizing a truth doesn’t mean we’re free from its influence.
Because change doesn’t happen in the mind alone. It happens in the body, in the heart, in the nervous system, in our repeated behaviors and chosen beliefs.
Reckoning: The Integration
To reckon with something is to sit with it, to feel it, to live inside its implications, and to let it change us.
Reckoning is the real work - the messy, beautiful, often uncomfortable process of becoming.
It’s asking: “How long have I carried this?”
“What am I afraid will happen if I let it go?”
“Who might I be on the other side of this?”
Reckoning means we don’t simply see the pattern, we challenge it.
We don’t simply name the wound, we tend to it.
We don’t simply identify the lie, we replace it with a truth we choose to live by.
Why We Need Both
Recognition is the door. Reckoning is the walk through it.
Too many of us stop at the threshold, thinking insight alone equals transformation. I am SO guilty of this at times.
Insight is information.
Reckoning is integration.
If we want to grow, lead, heal, love, or live more fully, which I know if you are reading this with me you are someone who does, then we must be willing to do both.
Three Steps to Move From Recognition to Reckoning
Sit With the Discomfort
Don't rush past what you’ve recognized. Let it sink in. Ask what it wants to teach you. Emotions are not problems to solve... they’re messengers to listen to.Take Responsibility, Not Blame
Reckoning isn’t about shame - it’s about ownership. It’s saying, “This may not be my fault, but it is my responsibility to grow through it.”Make Small, Aligned Moves
Transformation doesn’t always start with one dramatic leap. It begins with consistent steps that align with the truth you now see.
Final Thought
Recognition can be a moment. Reckoning is a process.
One opens our eyes. The other opens our lives.
If you’ve recognized something in your life lately, a truth you can’t unsee, good. That’s your beginning.
But don’t stop there.
Reckon with it.
Wrestle with it.
Let it shape us into someone who doesn't simply know the truth...
But lives it.