The Difference Between What We Value and How We Demonstrate It
As leaders, we are often asked, "What do you value?” Integrity. Teamwork. Innovation. Inclusion. Growth. These are common responses I hear from various companies I work with and they sound great. But here’s the truth: what we say we value means very little if it doesn’t align with how we demonstrate those values in our everyday actions.
I have found with myself and others that there is critical distinction between what someone values and how they demonstrate those values. This difference can make or break trust, influence, and effectiveness in leadership.
What Someone Values vs. How They Demonstrate It
What Someone Values: This is the internal compass. It’s the set of principles we believe are important. These values often live in our thoughts, mission statements, or even on the walls of our offices.
How They Demonstrate It: This is the external reality. It’s how we show up in meetings, how we treat people when things go wrong, how we make decisions under pressure, and how we lead when no one is watching.
It’s one thing to say we value inclusion. It’s another to ensure every voice in the room is heard, and that diverse perspectives actually influence decisions.
It’s one thing to say we value innovation. It’s another to reward risk-taking, tolerate failure, and invest in bold new ideas - especially when it’s easier to play it safe.
Why Alignment Matters in Leadership
Trust Is Built Through Congruence
People don’t simply follow leaders because of what we SAY - they follow leaders because of what we DO. When our actions don’t align with our values, people notice. Incongruence erodes trust, and once trust is gone, leadership becomes positional rather than relational.
Culture Is Shaped by Behavior, Not Beliefs
Leaders are what I like to call, "culture carriers". What we reward, tolerate, ignore, or model sets the tone. If we say we value growth but resist feedback, the culture will default to stagnation. If we say we value teamwork but celebrate individual achievements over collective success, silos will form. Culture doesn’t rise to the level of our values - it settles at the level of our demonstrated behaviors.
Integrity Requires Alignment
Integrity isn’t perfection - it’s consistency. Alignment between our stated values and our actions creates the sense of integrity, both within ourselves and within our organizations. When we lead with integrity, we not only feel better - we lead better.
Questions We Must Ask as Leaders:
What values do I claim to hold?
Where am I consistently demonstrating those values?
Where might my actions be contradicting what I say I believe?
How can I invite feedback from my team to see any gaps I may not notice?
In leadership, values are the intention. Behavior is the execution. One without the other is incomplete.
When what we say aligns with how we act, we become trustworthy. We become credible. And we become the kind of leaders people want to follow - not because they have to, but because they believe in what we stand for.
So let’s not simply talk (and you know I like speaking, lol) about what we value - let’s live it. Let’s lead it. Let’s BE it. Let’s be THE!