Shift Your Focus: From Avoidance to Intention

Sometimes I catch myself saying things like, “I don’t want to feel stressed,” or “I don’t want to mess this up” I feel (I don’t know this for certain) that a lot of us position things like this, meaning focus on what we DON'T want rather than what we WANT. 

For most of us it's natural to try and protect ourselves from pain, failure, or discomfort. But I have noticed a big shift in my thinking, and here is the catch: constantly focusing on what we DON’T want doesn’t necessarily bring us closer to what we DO want. In fact, it often keeps us stuck, spinning in circles of avoidance.

The brain is powerful - and it’s also literal. When we focus on not being tired, not failing, or not getting rejected, our mind holds onto the very ideas we are trying to steer away from. Instead of creating momentum toward our goals, we build resistance and anxiety around them.

So… Let’s flip the script.

Imagine replacing “I don’t want to be late” with “I want to arrive on time and feel prepared.”
Instead of “I don’t want to argue with my team,” say, “I want to create the space where collaboration and respect thrive.”

It’s this subtle shift - but a potent one. It’s the difference between playing defense and playing offense. Between surviving and leading. Between running from fear and running toward purpose.

Why the Shift Matters

1. Clarity
   When we state what we DO want, we give our brain the clear direction. “I want to feel energized” is actionable. “I don’t want to be tired” is vague.

2. Energy
   Focusing on positive outcomes generates motivation. It pulls us forward instead of keeping us stuck in a loop of problem-solving what-if scenarios.

3. Empowerment
   Speaking in terms of desire rather than avoidance puts us in control. We are no longer reacting to life - we are choosing it.

4. Better Communication
   When we say what we want (instead of what you don’t), others understand us more clearly. This is essential in leadership, relationships, and teamwork.

Try This:

• Instead of “I don’t want to procrastinate,” say “I want to get started and feel proud of my progress.”

• Instead of “I don’t want to be nervous,” say “I want to feel confident and connected.”

• Instead of “I don’t want to lose,” say “I want to grow, compete, and learn.”

This shift takes practice, and for me it’s worth every repetition. Speak your goals into clarity. Speak your intentions into action. The words we choose shape our reality - and by focusing on what we DO want, we give ourselves the much better shot at creating it.

So, next time we feel ourself defaulting to “I don’t want...,” pause. Reframe it. Ask yourself: What do I want instead? Then speak it. Claim it. And walk toward it. Let’s keep being THE together!