I Went Back to the Mountain That Almost Killed Me
Not metaphorically. Literally.
I hit the side of a mountain while paragliding and landed upside down in a tree for hours, and for a long time, that moment became bigger than the sport itself. It wasn't only the physical recovery. It was what happened in my mind afterward. Every time I thought about flying again, I didn't picture all of the beautiful flights I had experienced before. I pictured the one that ended in pain.
That's what fear does.
It convinces us that one experience is the whole story.
This week, I went back.
Not to a different mountain. Not to a different launch. The same place.
The same hill.
The same view.
The same memories.
But this time, I wasn't the same person.
People often say courage is acting in spite of fear. While that's true, I discovered something even more important.
My goal wasn't to become fearless.
My goal was to become aware.
There is this massive difference between fear and awareness.
Fear whispers, "Don't do it."
Awareness asks, "Are you prepared?"
Fear focuses on everything that could go wrong.
Awareness focuses on everything you can do right.
Fear wants certainty.
Awareness wants presence.
Five years ago, I had confidence, but I also had complacency. I knew enough to fly, but I hadn't yet learned the humility that experience eventually teaches us.
This time was different.
I didn't rush back because I wanted to prove something.
I waited until I was ready.
I hired the right coach.
I asked more questions than I gave answers.
I slowed everything down.
I practiced.
I listened.
I learned.
I respected the mountain instead of trying to conquer it.
And then, when it was time...
I ran off the mountain again!
Not because I wasn't nervous.
Because I was prepared.
As my feet left the ground, something unexpected happened.
The fear that had occupied so much space over the last five years did not disappear instantly.
It was still very much there however, something shifted!
It shifted from the past to the present.
From "What if I crash again?" to "Fly the wing."
From replaying an old story to writing a new one.
How often do we allow one painful experience to become the definition of an entire chapter of our lives?
A failed relationship becomes a reason not to love again.
A failed business becomes a reason not to start another.
A difficult conversation becomes a reason to avoid speaking up.
One rejection becomes a reason to stop trying.
One crash becomes a reason to stay on the ground.
The event isn't what traps us.
The story we continue telling ourselves about the event is!
Healing doesn't always mean forgetting what happened.
Sometimes healing means remembering every detail and choosing not to let it write the ending.
The mountain hadn't changed.
The wind hadn't changed (well, a little bit) :)
Gravity certainly hadn't changed.
What changed was me.
I had become more patient.
More intentional.
More teachable.
More aware.
And maybe that's what growth really looks like.
Not pretending difficult things never happened.
Not acting like we're invincible.
Not forcing confidence.
But earning it.
One decision.
One lesson.
One courageous step at a time.
If there's something you've been avoiding because of what happened the last time, maybe the answer isn't to jump back in tomorrow.
Maybe the answer is to prepare.
Find the right mentor (Thank you, Greg!)
Build the right skills.
Take the time you need.
Respect the process.
Because there is this beautiful moment that eventually comes.
The moment where your past no longer controls your future.
Where awareness replaces anxiety.
Where preparation replaces panic.
Where confidence is no longer something you hope to feel.
It's something you've built.
Five years ago, I left that mountain wondering if I would ever fly again.
This week, I left it with something far more valuable than another flight.
I left knowing that our greatest victories aren't always over the mountain in front of us.
Sometimes they're over the story we've been carrying about ourselves.
And that is the journey worth taking every single time.