Caring About People vs. Caring What They Think

I’m in Melbourne this week, and this keeps coming up, both on stage and off.

It’s this idea of not caring.

People will say things like, “I don’t care about (them),” or “I’ve stopped caring altogether,” because I believe it is one way some people might sound confident or self-assured.

Yet, those two things are not the same. And mixing them up can quietly mess with how we show up in our lives and relationships.

There’s this massive difference between saying:

“I don’t care about those people.”

and

“I don’t care about what those people think about me.”

One cuts us off.
The other sets us free.

We Should Care About People. Always.

Caring about people is part of being alive. It’s what keeps us connected. It’s empathy, curiosity, presence.

When we stop caring about people, we don’t become strong we become guarded. And being guarded might feel safe, but it also creates distance. From others. And eventually from ourselves. Right now, especially in the US, we need to be more connected to each other and our differences. 

Good leaders care.
Good partners care.
Good humans care.

Caring doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone. It doesn’t mean fixing everyone. And it definitely doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

It simply means remembering that people matter.

Where Things Get Tricky

Most of us weren’t taught the difference between caring about people and caring what people think.

So we start blending the two.

We think that if we’re kind, thoughtful, and self-aware enough, we’ll be understood. Accepted. Approved of.

And when we’re not, we assume we’ve done something wrong.

So we adjust. We edit. We soften. We quiet parts of ourselves so we don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

At some point, we’re not being considerate anymore we’re being careful.

Authenticity Isn’t Clean or Convenient

If we are actually showing up as ourself with our values, our voice, our boundaries then some people are not going to like it.

That’s not failure.

That’s reality.

Not everyone will understand you. Not everyone will agree with us. Not everyone will see our heart.

And that’s okay.

You’re not here to manage other people’s perceptions of you. You’re here to live in alignment with who you are.

The Line That Changes Everything

Here’s the distinction I keep coming back to:

Care deeply about people.
Stop caring about what they think about you.

You can listen without bending.
You can respect without performing.
You can love without abandoning yourself. And…

WE CAN RESPECT OTHERS WITHOUT AGREEING WITH THEM! 

This isn’t about becoming indifferent or hardened. It’s about becoming grounded.

Being You Takes More Courage Than Being Liked

When we stop needing approval, a few things happen naturally:

You speak more clearly.
You make decisions faster.
You feel less drained.
You trust yourself more.

You stop asking, “Is this okay?”
And start asking, “Is this honest for me?”

That shift changes how you show up in conversations, in leadership, and in your own head.

One Last Thought

We don’t grow by caring less.
We grow by caring better.

Care about people.
Care about your impact.
Care about living in integrity.

And let go of the exhausting job of trying to be understood by everyone.

The world doesn’t need a more acceptable version of you.

It needs the real one.